Baring My Soul – A Personal Essay on Writing
I’m taking a bit of a risk, today, and posting a personal essay with personal thoughts.
What do you do if you don’t like your voice, or find your voice puts you at odds with the writing style popular right now? Or, if you do like your voice, what happens if no one else does?
My voice, defined by 23 years of prolific journaling, is what it is. I can’t change my voice unless I change myself. That happens. We evolve over time and our voice changes with us. But we don’t change that much. Our core beings, to which I believe voice is tied, remains essentially the same for most of us.
I’ve heard it described as reverent, old-fashioned, introspective, sweet, thoughtful, sometimes humorous, complex, idea and concept driven, idealistic, encouraging, sentimental, and literary. I don’t know how I would describe it. I know that the best stuff comes when I get out of the way. I think that’s true for all writers.
I think about Matthew Dryden, whose style and voice is so distinct, though he says he’s still searching for it. His brutal honesty and often violent imagery is distinctive. I don’t need to be told he’s guest posting somewhere. I can tell from the post that it’s Matthew.
I’m not so confident of my own style. One reason I started a blog was to see if people were responsive to my style. I have a small, consistent readership that seems to appreciate my thoughts and my prose. I like blogging for the more personal bent. It’s different from the articles I write for the web site. I can take flights of fancy, use metaphors and speak about things that aren’t always welcome in a “teaching” piece.
Writing from the heart leaves one naked in a crowded room. Part of you desperately hopes no one notices, but part of you is willing to stand there, brazen, and demand to be recognized. If you feel you are unattractive or inadequate (as most of us do), the pointing, stares and ridicule can shrink your soul to a hard knot. To write nakedly, you must have courage.
My background is such that I have to work to keep distance between me and my words. I’m perfectly capable of pouring out really raw prose, but no one wants to read about such heavy subjects or cry with me over the tenderness of my inner being. I write uplifting and encouraging things as well, and those are easier to share.
That’s part of the writing gift…to take these deep inner hurts and use them as prose. Having survived the various trials of my life and learned their lessons, I write to speak to others going through the same thing. I have experienced the outward spiral from the epicenter of pain, circling away from the event with pages and pages of words, until it is finally on the horizon. I know the healing power of writing. I know the power of writing for self discovery. I know the power of handing my pen to that deep well inside me and relinquishing control.
My voice is my voice. I don’t always like it, but I have accepted it. All that remains to be seen is whether others accept and appreciate it or if I will end up standing naked amidst a jeering crowd, humiliated and dying.
saw this from JC’s blog…
love this thread… and I completely agree…
keep writing as you see fit, for not being true to one’s voice is about as silly as anything.
not exactly succinct, but I have yet to drink any tea…
I think that when you are writing with your own voice at least you are being true to yourself, which is more than a lot of people can say about the way they live in general
@Anna…I hope you got your tea
And I agree, though it is often tempting to mask the voice with “clothes” so to speak.
@Cassie Why is it being true to ourselves leaves us so naked. There’s a profound lesson in that paradox, I think.
Thank you, Ladies.
I feel better now about posting something so personal.
Hi BJ
I saw this linked on Cassie’s blog and you had me at hello
I’ve recently decided to post the uncensored and deeply personal myself on my blog.
I’m always surprised to see the deep unconscious (at the time) symbolism pervading my other written work. It leaves me feeling a little naked too
So since it’s going to be there in one shape or another whether I intend it or not, I figure I should just embrace it.
Welcome to my blogroll.
Funny you should mention symbolism. I seem to find a lot of symbolism and metaphor in the writing I do from the “deep well.” Embracing it is one thing. Letting it out into the public I’m still getting used to.
Thank you for the addition to your blog roll. I have been to your site, got lost in “Wish You Were Here,” and have added you as well.
We might have some interesting debates on spiritual matters though.
Hey you! Thanks for the plug, I can’t believe how out of tune I’ve been with the blogosphere this past week.
I suppose you are right in that I already have a voice – but I’d like to smooth some of the rough edges around it.
When I write, I am the brazen person you describe. Dammit, notice – even if I am comfortable naked or not!
Hi BJ
Thanks for your kind comments on my blog. I’ve replied on my blog with some details about Critters.
As for symbolism, if you plumb the deep well, it’s goes beyond language and into the symbolism. It’s literally the stuff of our dreams made of.
As for spiritual matters, yes I’m an existential atheist. I’m a deeply spiritual being, just not a very religious one.
So I’m always very happy to talk about it, but I would hesitate to call it a “debate”.
It implies there is a right and wrong answer about spiritual concerns and I don’t think there can be with something so personal.
If you got as far as my blog post http://sparkintheumbra.com/religion/a-tale-of-two-conversations-about-god/ you’ll see what I mean.
What I respect about the loving Christians I have known is their personal commitment to try to live each day as a better person than the day before.
That is no easy road. I walk it myself.
I will happily walk alongside my fellow travellers on that journey and share my experience of the scenery.
@Matthew: Indeed you have a voice, even in your softer posts. I think a lot of writers are pretty shy. Watching you go out there and do things like slam poetry makes me want to cheer you on because I would die first.
@Paul You are right, debate is probably not the right word (I chose it as an echo of an event in your post, I suppose), and faith is, for me, deeply personal. I do like and do my best to follow the premise of every day becoming less of the bad and more of the good, and I thought that post was a good one.
I’m right there with Matthew – i just don’t feel like I’ve found my voice yet. Oh, I’m getting closer every day, but I haven’t hit the pinnacle yet. It’s a tricky thing and I think it’s something that might continue to evolve always. It probably changes too, depending on what your current project is.
I find that you have a calming voice. It’s very relaxing and comforting and that is a good thing
Melissa, I like calming much better than other descriptions I’ve heard, thank you!
I think it does evolve with us (and change depending on piece/audience). Such an elusive little goal sometimes, but so rich when we find it.