Another’s Success, Not Your Failure
Let’s talk about the ugly side of writing success and the hope we all have for it. There are emotions we don’t want to feel, know we should not give into, and to which most of us fall prey regardless. Do these sound familiar? Competition, jealousy, envy, superiority, fear, insecurity, ego, bitterness, resignation…the list goes on.
Are we really in competition with each other as aspiring authors? Is the only prize the book contract or the big advance or popularity? If someone else succeeds does that mean we have failed? Really?
Despite my firm belief that one success raises all of us, I fall prey tho these emotions, too. I won’t call them petty. They are not. Even authors entrenched on the NYT Best Seller list can succumb. It is part of being human and loving what we do. So how do you react when a writer friend you admire and like pulls ahead of you? You react as a human being. How do you respond? That depends on your personal values.
I spent a lot of time thinking about Anthony’s post from last week. He definitely had some good points, and some statements that probably upset our more squeamish writing brethren:
Fear and poor self-esteem belong together. They are inseparable and they feed off each other like a perverted Yin and Yang. The foundation of this fear is a poor image of self. This fear is prevalent in the online writing community; look no further than the responses to #queryfail.
I agree with his message. I am also going to add something here. Another writer’s success cannot be allowed to affect your sense of self as a writer or a person. It cannot. Another writer’s success does not mean you have failed! You will feel envy. You will feel jealous, resentful, or angry. If you don’t, please open a vein and make sure you bleed like the rest of us. Feel these things, put them in context, and move on.
What is frustrating about our industry is that a truly excellent writer with a winning personality and a great story can go unpublished until the day they die. That’s truth. In order to handle this frustration, you need to aim at the narrow window of opportunity and keep focused on making your shot through it. Don’t be distracted by the one next to you who got a lucky shot. Be angry, feel jealous, give him the finger…and then be glad for him. Of all the good writers out there, one of us got a shot. One of us got the call. Use it to sharpen your focus on that narrow window and keep trying.
Wow, this is so well put. Thank you. I feel these emotions all the time, and it is truly frustration. I am happy you put this up today. I needed to hear it.
You have made a great point. We must celebrate other success and also use their success to give us hope not to diminish our hope.
so true! there is plenty of room for all. it’s important to blow that steam, then it’s gone… words flow better when there’s no nagging inner distractions…
I used to waste time focusing on successful writers until a writer who have far fewer success than I, encouraged me to acknowledge my achievements and count them as blessings and motivation to set and accomplish other writing goals.
I still enjoy reading about the leaps and bounds of writers and sometimes I still slip into the “if only…” and “I wish it were me”modes but little by little, I am learning to focus on what I can and should be doing to achieve my writing goals and advance my writing career.