First, there’s the novel’s new scenes.  Done, plugging in, and suffering the consequences of three different formats.  Working on it.

Then I did beta reading for two fellow writers.  I’ve critiqued one.  Working on the other.

I just finished the 30 Blessings Project at Rising Upward, a month-long challenge.

My town was flooded May 3rd.  As a result, I’m actively writing for Clarksville Cares as well.

In between I find great ways to procrastinate and I’m developing several new novel concepts.

In other words, I’ve been busy writing, though I haven’t been writing here.

Last week the leader of our local writing group passed the baton to the assistant leader.  It was well done and he assured us he would still be attending the meetings.  Of course, the subject of a replacement assistant came up.

It was on the tip of my tongue.  It showed in my face and body language.  “I can,” was welling up in my throat before a door shut inside me.  It would have been affirming and I would have been good at it.  It’s a nice opportunity to help fellow writers and guide the future of the group.

Why did I sit back and remain silent?

I didn’t understand my response at the time, though “I don’t have time” flickered through my mind.  Later, after considering my schedule, I realized that “I don’t have time” WAS the reason, and it is a legitimate one.

There is never enough time in my life to write…even to prewrite my writing projects.  I work long hours as it is and cope with constant interruptions.  Once, I would have jumped at the chance to participate and even take a leadership role because that is my nature and I’m usually good at it.

These days I have a bigger priority…”butt in chair” time with words.  I need every spare moment of my life to keep up with the blogs, do research, and write.

Of course, I felt bad.  I don’t think I have often failed to volunteer for such interesting things.  Still,  I’ve come to see the decision to keep silent as the right and proper one for me.  I have become a writer first and guarding the precious minutes I have to write has finally overcome my need to belong.

Every writer gives up something of writing in order to have a life and gives up something of life in order to write.  Writers with small children obviously have them as a priority.  Careers, relationships, and family are important.  I’m in a unique position now in that we have no family here and the children are grown.  I gave up TV.  I gave up control of the household.  I gave up social events for the most part.  Life changes, and this  too shall pass.  If I don’t take advantage of this time, how will I feel when it is gone?

I’ll be there for the new leader and will help as I can.  In the meantime I’m feeling just a wee bit grown up, and that just feels weird, ya know?

I’ve spent the last week doing something pretty rare for me.  Since I started the website, the blog, committed to finishing literary projects, and worked to come to terms with the necessary evil called the “day job,” I don’t get a lot of down time.

This week, I did.  And of course, I feel guilty.  But there’s a lesson in this for writers.  It is simply this.  Life will become unbalanced if you let it.  We are so busy doing, accomplishing, writing our words, that it is easy to forget the other essential of creativity…time to ponder, relax, do nothing…or at least nothing of note.

Something like nine books were devoured this past week, along with numerous short stories and other tidbits.  There’s a sense of being filled up, and also of letting go.  Whenever the guilt tried to creep in after day job hours, there was something to catch my attention and pull me in…a good story, a good song, a good video.

I’m rather ashamed that it took effort to relax and let myself wind down.  Too many years of going, I suppose.  I can’t say the week caused miracles or spectacular prose, but it helped to let some of the dross swirl away, let me live in the moment instead of in my goal sheet, pushing myself for words, plot, or character.

Refreshed?  A little.  Less wound tight?  Yes.  I could have slept more, I could have left work earlier, but it was a good week.  And I have a confession to make.  I set myself up for it in an underhanded way.  By posting what I did last week, I knew there would be two choices.  I could sit at the computer full of angst or anguish, fretting over no comments or unkind comments.  I could step away from the computer and remind myself that I am okay.  Whatever others think of my internal creative process, my story starts, how characters approach me, or the sad bits that come out, I am okay.  I can separate myself from my work.

I consciously chose the second path.  I read, played with the cat, spent time with Hubby, scribbled now and again, and refused to check my email for comments more than once per day.

Were the results worth it?  Creatively, yes.  Absolutely.  I’m far behind now on a lot of things that demand my attention for the next few days, and I do regret that.  But for the quality of the words in the last two days, the filling up of the language I like to read and produce, I have to say it was worth it.

I listen (read) often to what J C Hart feels about her life and her goals, how she always feels the pressure, but is also aware that time with little ones passes so quickly, and I see myself.  She is my friend, and we are similar in as many ways as we are different.  I tell her all the time to slow down and relax, but don’t practice what I preach.  Hmmm.

Time to slow down a bit, take one evening a week off, and live a little.  Reaching my goals won’t mean as much if I don’t, I think.  I’m done pushing myself past my limits.  I work much better, and produce better words, when I don’t.  Since the writing defines much of my life, I’ll work a little more to protect it, but also give myself time off from it on occasion.

How do you relax from the real or imagined pressures of blogs, articles, and word production?  Do you schedule breaks or just let them happen?  Do you come back from these times more eager to work or more willing to relax…or both?

For someone like me, with one of those convoluted onion-layered personalities, one life long quest is for authenticity…transparency…to fully know ourselves and allow others to fully know us.  With confidence and encouraging feedback, the ongoing task takes work, but is doable.

And what if you are shy, insecure, and have doubts about who you really are?  That makes the ongoing task an uphill struggle with rocks in your pockets.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the benefits of transparency, of being our authentic selves at all times.  I would like to think I have the confidence to actively pursue that clearness.  I would like to think that others could read my words and tell a lot about who I am on the inside (and they probably can).  Don’t you wish the same?

While community has come so far on the internet, there’s still a glass ceiling.  Is sharing about a painful struggle perceived as whining unless you couch it in humor or triumph at the end?  Is talking about your failures considered bragging of a sort, or parading your ineptitude to the public?  What about asking for help?  Are we then perceived as needy, not too bright, or grasping?

Jumping over those conclusions, assumptions and fears requires a lot of confidence.  I think it also requires some experience with positive feedback upon opening up that way.

Of course we all want to feel and be perceived as confident and put together.  That’s the nature of fitting into society.   Of course we would like to live without masks and interact with authenticity.  Is it safe?  Will we be rejected if people see who we are on the inside?

It is a question for writers also.  Our best work comes from that place of authenticity when something of our soul is poured out onto the page.  How transparent are we willing to be with our pens, knowing that some discerning reader might guess more than we intended to reveal?

The answer is in a combination of things.  Confidence is, of course, important.  So is the decision to pursue interactions and relationships with transparency.  The most important element is trust.

Trust that you have something to say.  Trust that you can learn from the feedback you receive.  Trust that authenticity will win you true friends over the fair weather kind.  Trust that your writing will find the readers who will love it, nurture it, and understand it.

And maybe we can trust that everyone else out there is just like us…human, with faults and failings, willing to gain confidence for themselves from our openness.

I sure hope that is how it works.  Don’t you?

(yes, this is a meme (my first), assigned by the wonderful Jamie Simmerman at Blue Duck Copy and no, that isn’t me in the picture, but the instructions apply!)

Congratulations on the purchase of your new BJ Keltz Writer Model!  Please read this guide completely before proceeding to use this model.  Failure to do so could result in damage to the unit, or, in extreme cases, the user.

WARNINGS:

This unit cannot be used at height or at angles.  Attemps to do so will cause extreme vertigo in the unit with the potential for lasting damage to both the unit and the user’s shoes.

This unit is not equiped with the “seafood” function.  The unit will reject all seafood and may become aggressive if forced.

This unit is equiped with an awesomesauce detector feature.  If the feature begins to malfunction, take unit directly to this site for repair.

This unit may not be used in large crowds.  It will malfunction, and the warranty is voided if the user places the unit in such an environment.

This unit requires daily prayer.  Failure to follow this direction voids the warranty.

This unit is fueled by coffee.  Failure to maintain appropriate coffee levels will result in malfunction.

General Use:

This unit requires periodic solitude.  Failure to provide this basic need will cause the unit to malfunction.

This model is capable of being bribed.  Manufacturer suggets spa pedicures, massage, purses, and for optimum results, chocolate.

This model prefers most shades of green and will respond best in environments of such colors.  Make sure dashes of red are also available.

This unit requires nurturing.  For optimal results, nurture by methods used here and here and here and here.

This unit is mildly OCD.  It is a flaw we have been unable to control in our programming.  Perhaps future models will not have this problem.

For Best Results:

Supply this model with plenty of paper and pens.  The model will self-entertain for hours without need of support.  Make sure you provide the chocolate.

Allow this model plenty of discussion and friendly debate.

Pass on this manual to the following individuals, who are invested in helping you enjoy your purchase for as long as you own your BJ Keltz, Writer Model.    JC Hart, Sal, Sumar, Amber, Anthony, and Alex.  Make sure these individuals include The Rules (below) in their user guides.  Pass on the instructions to include Random Things About Themselves.  Please remind them that following said instructions is not mandatory, only slightly obligatory.

We wish you many happy years with  your unit.  Please note:  Warranty will void at age 38.  We suggest purchasing additional insurance prior to that time to keep up with the inevitable repair bills that will follow.

(Note:  The unit is age 41)

The Rules

1. LINK TO THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU
2. POST THE RULES ON YOUR BLOG
3. WRITE SIX RANDOM THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF
4. TAG SIX PEOPLE AT THE END OF YOUR POST AND LINK TO THEM
5. LET EACH PERSON KNOW THEY ARE TAGGED AND LEAVE A COMMENT ON THEIR BLOG
6. LET THE TAGGER KNOW WHEN YOUR ENTRY IS UP
7. DON’T BREAK THE CHAIN (not actually a rule)

Enriched by Words passed its six month mark on January 1st.  In thinking over how far the blog (and I) have come in that time, I couldn’t help feeling gratitude for those who helped me get there.

Off line, my friend and business advisor. P L’Acosta, has been wonderful, giving advice, making suggestions, and then sitting back to let me work it all out.  His wife deserves much thanks for letting us camp out at her table for long nights of web design.  My husband has ceased rolling his eyes when I mutter darkly over the computer, and has even learned enough about this whole blog/Internet thing to give some advice on occasion.  My family has been very encouraging and my mother visits my blog(s) daily.

Online, the help and encouragement has been tremendous, pulling a shy writer out of her shell and into the big world.  The first blog I found and followed was The Interminable Writer (who was my very first comment!), followed quickly by Annie on Writing and Crysanthemum Promise (recently renamed).  1WriteWay and Out of Thin air joined my tiny blogroll within days.  These four ladies were my first foray into the blog community.  I’ve been sad to see some of their blogs lay fallow; they gave me the confidence to reach out.  I was quickly enamored with the awesome guys at Men with Pens (and still am!), celebrated with Kiersten when she landed an agent, and followed Amber daily.  I ran across Melissa at Writing Forward and stayed.

I found Fifthwind, and that opened up a whole new world.  Ken runs a forum for serious fantasy writers.  I joined, got my feet wet with receiving public critique, and never looked back.  I met Jaym, a writer whose style and voice is close to my own, and so good, it makes reading her work a joy.  I met Anthony, who is dipped in awesomesauce.  And suddenly I was meeting great writers at every turn!

I have a great personal “blog circle” now which includes Sal and Jess at Everyday Thoughts from Life, Jamie at Blue Duck Copy, Cassie (JC Hart at In Sunshine and in Shade), Alex (Alex Moore), Sean at Writer Dad, David at Blogger Dad, Dave at Teach My Children Well, Matthew at Matthew Dryden, Paul at A Spark in the Umbra, and so many more!

I’ve never cleaned out my blog rolls.  Those names all had a part in getting Enriched by Words and Write Your Mind Journals through the 3 a.m. feedings and colic.  But oh, I need to add new names and links!  Sumar (The Writing Base) and Tony (My Life as I See It) need to be on there along with several others!  I’m enjoying getting to know Anna Scott Graham and Jane Smith. (If you haven’t checked out her brand new flash fiction project, head on over to Greyling Bay.

I’ve really grown as a writer, getting over that “but what if people read it?…oh and what if NO one reads it?” stage and loving the community.  I recognize my voice, and have confidence in my message.

I’ve done a lot in the last six months.  I joined the (unofficial title?) Chuck Westbrook’s Blog Project and have really enjoyed getting to know “unsung” bloggers while helping them a bit just by getting to know them.  How cool is that? Oh, and I totally blame Sassy Kathy for the growing collection of photos in the Office Envy file and for the start of my own Book Lust file.

I have had the privilege of beta-reading two novels and several short stories.  I wrote a novel and several short stories of my own along with two short e-books and numerous articles for Write Your Mind Journals (which is about to launch the new site this week!  WOOT!)  Last week I was tagged for my first meme ever.

I’ll be busy in the coming months.  I’ll be writing for Writing Mafia, working on launching a new web-based enterprise, editing my first completed novel in years (and it should count as my first, because the others never hit the depth and length of this one), and circulating short stories and items for feedback.  I have collected essays for two new projects (e-books or tree books?  Don’t know yet).  I’ll be working on another novel in the spring, and I’m comfortable enough with all of this to concentrate on the business of selling my favorite object in the whole world…journals!

I can’t say thank you enough, and felt a public thank you was in order.  You are my on-line family.

The candle portion of the above images is courtesy cytoon.

On Monday, I posted on the topic of New Year Resolutions.  Quite a few comments referred to goals as opposed to resolutions, and not confining the process to January 1st.   I went nosing around a bit and found (on the same page) two quotes that seem to both agree and disagree.

We will open the book.  Its pages are blank.  We are going to put words on them ourselves.  The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.     Edith Lovejoy Pierce.

Here is another view of the beginnings represented by the new year.  I have rarely had beginnings coincide with January, until this year.  Coincidence?  Certainly.  I like the sentiment in this quote.  If I were to change it at all, I would substitute “TODAY” for “New Year’s Day.”  Same feeling, more immediacy, and a call to action.  So what if it is 6 p.m. on a weekday any day of the year.  Today is where you are, and from where you begin to move forward.

The start of a new year provides an opportunity to take stock of one’s career and outline steps for advancing to the next level.  Managers and employees must continually develop their professional skills and abilities in order to reach their full potential and remain engaged at work.     Max Messmer

The first time I read it, I couldn’t identify what it was that bothered me.  Of course, I had a “duh” moment in the next breath.  Professional beginnings and evaluation has always taken place in June and July for me.  Why?  I come from a non-profit and educational background.  The budget year ran from July 1 to June 30.   Our professional “new year” occurred mid-summer.

That brings up a valid point.  If you want to get in the habit of annual or semi-annual self evaluation, tie it to specific events that occur each year.  I have a friend who does her thinking in April and October.  Her only reason for those months is because she pays her auto insurance premiums then and finds it easy to remember.  Evaluation is, for her, part of assessing her family’s welfare and protection, as well as her own progress.

I tend to do my evaluating as the seasons change.  Spring and fall usually bring a restlessness and desire for progress.  This year I found myself between projects as we approached the end of the year and enjoyed doing some evaluating at the “traditional” time.

Do you make New Year Resolutions?  If so, how much thought do you put into them and how often do you keep them?  Do you expect the impossible of yourself or do you simply give up?  Have you never made one?

The tradition of New Year’s Resolutions goes back to 153 B.C. as a Roman custom.  More recently it has become the subject of humor or disregarded.  However, there are still places that can advise you on the proper way to make and keep resolutions.  Of course, the most popular resolutions are to stop bad habits or to lose weight.

I went through a period of time in which I wouldn’t make resolutions.  I made resolutions beyond my ability to keep or with no plan to bring them about.   I threw them out the window, and by July, I couldn’t remember what they were.  I think I might make a few this year.  There were a few, after all, that I kept and which became ingrained habits both useful and beneficial.

I will put my essays into a public venue of some sort, though not necessarily on this blog.

I will speak to at least one group on the benefits of a pen and paper journal.

I will circulate two items for publication by September.

I will pursue, to the best of my ability, another platform model I’ve been thinking about seriously.

I will write another novel.

Those are my resolutions for 2009.  Which resolutions are you making this year?

The wise men listened to their wives on which direction to go?  *Ducks*

Taking the day off.  Have a great weekend!

weblogcartoons.com

My desk…um.

Well, you see, I participated in NaNoWriMo this year and, well, I kinda let things slide.  Oh, not the blog or the day job.  I wrote plenty.  It’s the…well…the house that is a total shambles.  And my desk is, well…an unmitigated disaster. (Not that its ever really tidy to begin with!)

I’m more comfortable than a lot of people working in clutter.  As long as I know where something is (and I usually do), I’m content.  If I clean and organize my desk, it is likely I won’t be able to find something I need when I need it.   My mother says that is no excuse.   I say, blame NaNoWriMo. /grin.

However, since my rough draft is now complete, I have no excuse to neglect my organization.  Really, I can’t go on much longer pulling things from briefcases or tote bags, can I?  Well, maybe I can, but I don’t really want to.  I’d like to actually see what the surface of my desk looks like, you see.  I saw it in October, but not since.  I kinda miss it.

To all the NaNoWriMo participants out there, you’re on the home stretch!  Six days left and, one way or the other, you can take the time to re-enter your life, clean your desk (or in my case the whole house) and flex your cramped fingers.   I’ll clean mine tonight, so I will be ready to hand out cookies and coffee on November 30.  Deal?